That stupid Anxiety Bug!
Like a nasty bedbug, I’m surviving but being rather dormant on my blog and some social media for a while. Truth be told, it has been a little stressful and my anxiety disorder has been flaring up like no tomorrow. Although still semi functional, it’s like this everyday uphill battle against the “OWWW MY GUT!” syndrome. On the bright side, I’ve become the certified walking app for locating the “Closest Lavatory” in the areas I frequent. Carrying a giant Lysol Air Freshener in my bag is something only one of my best friend/gut twin would understand.
Housing Wanted: Demolition of Gnome House
A couple months ago, we received the sad news that our Gnome House is getting knocked down. It has only been short period of time: the time it takes for two sets of 23 chromosomes to combine and churn into a baby. Nonetheless, it has been one of the awesomer times in my life. Somehow that arrangement was perfect, and no one was in anyone’s faces. Besides, living with one of my best friend at age 30 has probably been the best thing a non-married person could ask for.
Because life happens, 2.5 of the house will no longer be living together. Off to find a flat in this horrifyingly expensive city. Suddenly, working in non-profit charities doesn’t seem like a good idea any more.
For a brief moment, I considered just renting a room. Upon looking at some “Room for Rent” ads on Craigslist, I decided that it ain’t going to happen. I don’t know whether I was discouraged or puzzled to see rental ads being modelled after a “BFF” and “Social Club” advertisements:
- “Must love to socialize. You won’t be right for us if you prefer to stay in your room. No Workaholics either.”— Um.. ok… but I frequently need alone time and I am required to work a lot.
- “No gamers. We’re an active house and we love the outdoors. If you play games and watch TV, please don’t apply”.—Um ok… guess not. I do like the outdoors but I have been struggling with anxiety and I periodically play games.
- “We’re all Beliebers, so you must be a Belieber. We’d like to find someone who loves Bieber as much as we do.”—Ok Next!
- “We’re a socially and environmentally conscious bunch. We built our composting toilet. You should know how to build your own composting toilet as well. “—Um.. I’m socially and environmentally conscious… but I don’t know how to build a toilet. Next!
- “Our creative household is looking for an additional member to join our group. We’re only looking for artists, designers and musicians to join our group. “–I was a trained musician who became musically constipated… so I stopped. I’m not a trained artist. I try to crochet and I doodle poorly. So you people sound too cool and not in a sarcastic way..
So off I go looking for different arrangements
Calling up friends, convincing them to be my additional roommate, answering the secret data farming ads, receiving 2x more junk calls from “The Captain of Winning Cruises” and “Air Canada”, and filtering out both unreasonable and unreasonably expensive ads:
- “2 Bedrooms in Buttnowhere Vancouver for rent: $1900/month, utilities not included, family only”
- ” 3 Bedrooms apartment in Vancouver beside a power station with a sinking foundation for $900/month”
- “2.5 Bedrooms in awesome neighbourhood $1200/month. Quiet 1 person only. No friends allowed”
- “3 Bedrooms in convenient neighbourhood. We lie about having a history of bedbugs and we march into tenant’s unit unannounced.”
- “2.5 Bedrooms shoebox apartment with no living room, no kitchen and a microwave $1700/month”
For a month and a half, I’ve earned the “Mouth of a Sailor” badge. After seeing a bijillion open houses and making a decision RIGHT after someone else took it… I thought to make an ad.
2.5 Pragmatic Non-Profit Nerds Looking for A Humble Place
We’re professionals in their 30’s working in non-profits. We’re quiet, respectful, responsible, and we pay our rent on time. We like to read, chill to music, and play games. One likes to craft, one likes to cook, and one loves to garden. The half a roommate travels between cities for her work, so she’ll be here one minute and vanishes the next. Vancouver is her home though, so she does need a place in town. We love animals but we currently don’t have any pets of our own.
We’re hoping to find a humble 3 bedroom suite with full kitchen, counter space, functional bathroom, living room and dining area. No pests parties, no bedbugs, and no assortment of rodents. Around 1500/month would be reasonable, but we can chat about it.
On some weekends, we like to invite friends over for a low-profile dinner and games. If that’s too loud for you, then perhaps we won’t be the right fit.
Right before I post this ad…
We heard back from an awesome landlord. He has no problem with us having friends over, zero problem with people working shift hours, and he replied fairly quickly. It’s exactly what we have been looking for! After 1.5 months of searching, we finally secured a place. Bonus: We can actually use some areas in the back to plant our fresh spice and vegetables! WOOT! So now I’m completely occupied while trying to organize everything with the new place.
Battle with Introversion: Time Management & Energy Level
Turns out I’ve been stretching my job role into areas such as marketing & community outreach. While I like to encourage philanthropy, gathering and translating the statistics, resources & information into a solid proposal, I’m completely pooped.
It’s not as much of an issue if I were just working over 12 hours a day. However, a chasm still exists between my demands towards my own competence & performance vs. my high need for absolute uninterrupted silence. If I get everything done at work efficiently, I need hide in my place for the whole weekend and read. All my creative juice is then directed towards my marketing tasks, which has been an uncharted territory for me. If I wish to have more physical and creative energy, I won’t get everything done immediately and I would blame myself for being inefficient.
It’s not surprising that my bad gut is partially due to this terrible feedback loop. It’s not until I read the comic from here that I am reminded of who I am. Unlike the comic though, weirdness does not get to me as much as the idea of incompetence. Upon reading the comic, I’m now reminded of knowing my limit. I should start to seek cure for this situation: the feedback loop, not the introversion. Time should be spent on acknowledging my limits, not on loathing the reality that I have limits.